Insufficient Stories by Patrick Alexander
The Ending Story
Bastian’s mother had died, leaving him a feeble demi-orphan, with eyes full of dreams and a body full of candy bars. He was only happy with his head in a book. Bastian loved books as much as he hated physical activity, his dad, and being chased by bullies down an alley, then thrown into a dumpster inexplicably full of straw.
He took refuge in a dusty old bookshop, with wooden shelves and knick-knacks, all coated in layers of accumulated whimsy. As quietly as he could, Bastian closed the door behind him, and was immediately set upon by a grumpy old potato, twinkles firing like laser beams from his every eye. Bastian might have been blinded, had the old potato not urgently thrust a large, leatherbound, conspicuously mysterious book into his face. “Don’t read this book!!” the potato yelled. “It’s too wonderful!!”
“All right,” said Bastian. “What book would you recommend?”
“Have you read,” shrieked the potato, “Treasure Island??! AAAAAAA!!!”
And so, Bastian read Treasure Island. It was longer than the books he was used to, and the archaic language was a little difficult. He wished he was allowed to have a Nintendo.